All Out! All Change!
I’ve scribbled notes about current life stuff on and off over the years, and journalling was a very important aspect of my year-long yoga teacher training all those years ago. What I think is funny now, when I look back at some of those entries, is that some of the people I mention, I have no recollection of! The same can be said regarding some of the incidents, quite a few of which, must have really bothered me at the time!
Yesterday, I was scrolling through Facebook and came upon an image of a mum I had met at school a few years ago whose husband had left her and their kids for someone else. Without any support, she’d had to move interstate to be closer to her parents. Her children’s father had lost interest and really didn’t really seem that bothered about it, since he was about to be a father again. As we chatted, it was obvious she was still in shock really and trying to process everything that had happened. Our children were in the same class for a while and although we were acquaintances and Facebook friends, we didn’t really hang out and she left town to live somewhere else a year or so ago. So, when I came across her image on Facebook, having just given birth to a new baby, with her new partner, quite obviously deliriously happy, I was once again reminded of how important it is to just hang in there! To not allow the dud stuff that may be happening right now to affect a quite possibly much brighter future. To not become bitter or sink so far you cannot resurface and thus destroy this short life indefinitely. I am so happy for this woman and right now, she is probably thanking her ex for what he did because she has moved on and has many more wonderful moments to look forward to.
I think it just clearly indicates that wherever we are in our lives, and whatever is going on, we have the power to move through it and we will evolve, provided we are patient and honour our feelings. Inquiring and then scribing, no matter how silly it may seem, is really useful. It is cathartic and clears the head for more important matters (such as planning and organising!)
It’s also a bit embarrassing to admit, but at the ripe old age of 24, I was working in a restaurant while at Uni, and began smoking, even though I had grown up with Grandparents who smoked incessantly and absolutely hated it! I actually did a tutorial presentation about how awful it was – before it got hold of me a year or so later. I was also very passionate about health and fitness, so go figure that one out! It began quite innocently as a social thing – my fellow workers in the restaurant were able to take breaks to smoke – but, it insidiously crept up on me and, because I was studying, I would also use it as an excuse to procrastinate and think (and not study!)
I felt like I was living a complete lie; this thing had hold of me and I hated myself for it. I was embarrassed and would often smoke in secret. I wasn’t living in alignment. This wasn’t me! My journal entries are full of self reprimands – check out my sketch!
Is living out of alignment terribly unusual? I think many of us have an idea of what we would like to be and how we would like things to roll out, in fact, we have a crystal clear visualisation. But yet, a lot of the time, we are not quite living up to that ideal. Intellectually, we may understand a particular thing (such as healthy eating for example), but perhaps as of yet, certain things haven’t become part of “who we are”. And this is our challenge; to let go of dreaming and hoping and instead, accept what is while simply allowing ourselves the space to evolve.
Oh my word, giving up smoking to the point where I never thought about it, was extremely difficult for me, but not impossible. Like many things recorded in this journal, it’s been dealt with it and I’ve completely moved on.